thot-d-f

=Thought Botz Group=

Design Document Feedback

 * at first sight, just skimming over, it looks good. nice use of layout (which is something wikispaces is not good at) and font.
 * there is perhaps a clash between the first two paras. The abstract gives a feeling that might be a softer, more girlie type game, but, the target audience is teenage males.
 * there is a huge backstory, which Derek is OK with, but I (John) find this kind of mix'n'match approach of different mythologies odd (its just me, probably.) As an alternative, how about the cut down tree trunk sprouts new life via shoots at some stage; just a thought. I also (John) wonder about a role for 'fire' in a storyscape so based on 'wood' and 'paper' - the CEO's piccy with a cigar caused this thought ...
 * The 'cal' character seems to go really well with grumpy 'paperman'
 * By the time I read (John) of Elana I was hooked on the character mix; do all the names have such simple, deeper meanings?
 * whilst the basic controls look OK, you'd need to take great care to know all possible inputs, etc. to ensure the mapping is right
 * nice idea to have health as a 'paper' icon; on the other hand, 'ammo bar' jars
 * beautiful picces of forest; nice use of bright colours
 * I agree that modern, almost minimalist, orchestral music is a good approach

Overall - it holds together remarkably well. When it comes to the technical document I would be interested - ignore me if you wish! - as to whether this could work as a serialised downloadable app-type game on a mobileplatform. Just a thought ... mebbes I am still thinking of it as a possible girlie game ... (John)

draft mark: 70%

Final mark: 70% (the document was not changed)