mm-d-f

=Mean Machine Design Feedback=


 * good intro sentence, maybe a bit big but covers required info
 * abstract - not sure how you are going to keep this consistent as players are assigned randomly rather than based on their actions, so stories could potentially contradict the main stories of the factions they are in, or those of other players
 * target audience - be careful here. most mobile phone game players play casual games, while this game seems to be a more involved game (i.e. could require the player to play for long sessions)
 * generated narative - this may be extremely difficult as it seems to require advanced (academic) AI techniques to create natural language descriptions of events
 * battle system - "captures and ." - leaving us in suspense or gramatical error? (please check grammar and spelling in this section)
 * battle system details - what is illuminati high priest?
 * mercenaries - jumping into the design in the middle of story section, but not previously mentioned
 * SWF - very nice demo :)
 * audio - needs more detail

In general, this design document represents a good attempt, clearly you have put a lot of work into it.

Draft mark=40%

Final comments:-

The document looks much more professional now, and is easier to find and navigate as an online space. I like the stark layout, but it does kinda wear after a few pages of text-only stuff. You need to do add something - graphics, sketches - to lighten up after a page or two. The picture sketches of the characters help; it doesn't matter that they aren't truly final-copy professional, as they help just being there. The phone mockups are good too, but I am left wondering exactly how this game feels like to play. I suppose this is an issue over the uniqueness. Too much uniqueness is always hard to sell (cf Apple iPad) as people will relate it to something that aint rather that might be.

Its good to see a short mock vidcap and some ideas for audio too. Overall the document does feel very linear, and could do with an extra bit of buffing to make it a real seller. But, I read it and I understood what you are aiming to do.

Final marks:

Scott Roberts: 68% Scott C, Karen M, Matthew H: 63%